I posted a personal quote on Facebook and one of the comments was a suggestion not to drink soda. Spoiler alert: it’s not about the soda. You can use any type of vending machine in its place to get the picture I’m about to paint.
Let’s say you’re thirsty and decide to head over to a vending machine for a soda. You put in your dollar and press the button. Nothing happens — no soda, no money back, nada. (Assume the soda costs a dollar for the sake of this exercise. The soda was actually 50 cents when I began using this analogy. And I used to call it a metaphor. But I digress.)
You are investing your heart and soul in a person that cannot give you what you’re looking for or need.
You hit the button a few times, give another selection a try, and maybe give the machine a little nudge. Still, no soda. You think “maybe, it’s a fluke” so you put another dollar in the machine. You press the button. Nothing comes out. You try every button and still nothing comes out. “One more time,” you think because you’re an optimist and, well, third time’s a charm. Again, no soda.
How many dollars are you going to put into that machine until you realize you’re throwing your money away?
The same thing happens with people and relationships. You’ve got a problem so you go to your friend to vent. Instead of being the supportive sounding board you hoped for, or showing you compassion, or validating your feelings, she tells you it’s all your own fault because you cause your own problems. And then she starts talking about her own issues and takes over the conversation. This happens over and over throughout years of friendship.
You are investing your heart and soul in a person that cannot give you what you’re looking for or need. Now, she may be a fun friend who you love to hang out and laugh with until the cows come home. That’s okay. I’m not suggesting you drop a person for their inability to be a support system. But why continue putting energy into trying to have a person fill your needs, when you’ve learned over and over it’s not possible?
There are other vending machines out there, and at least one is bound to work. Stick to the ones you’ve learned will give you the soda on the first dollar. You’ll be much happier and may even find acceptance in appreciating the broken one as decoration.
Good Reads:
Rising Strong: How the Ability to Reset Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brene Brown
How to Do the Work: Recognize Your Patterns, Heal from Your Past, and Create Your Self by Dr. Nicole LePera
Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself by Nedra Glover Tawwab
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