The Power of Positive Thinking. Laws of Attraction. The Secret. Every affirmation book ever written. These all tell us stay positive and your life will radically change and you’ll manifest everything your heart desires. While I do agree positivity can significantly improve your life – and has for me – beware casting away negative thoughts as the root of the crap you’ve been through.
Recently, I was introduced to the term “toxic positivity.” Though I hadn’t heard before, I completely understood what it meant. As a matter of fact, my old blog had a post, Sometimes Life Sucks, that speaks to it. I was dealing with a year of major health trauma. People with great intentions would tell me how strong I was, lucky and blessed to be alive, stay positive…bla bla bla. Then one person simply said “that sucks” and I was so grateful. It reflected and thereby validated my real feelings.
Toxic positivity is when we deny ourselves or others the ability to recognize negative feelings as natural and healthy. We can say “I’m sorry you’re going through this, I hope things get better soon” instead of “I’m sure you’re going to be back to yourself in no time, don’t worry!”
Here’s what happens when you take a writing break for a few days…
Today, I realized another form of toxic positivity known as denial. If I’m too optimistic about Hurricane Dorian fizzling out when it’s looking like a category 4 heading in my direction, I could be facing serious danger by being unprepared. It’s not toxic to believe all will turn out okay; it is if I think I don’t need to do anything to ensure that. It’s further toxic if I decide it’s a good idea to go surfing in the middle of a hurricane because I’ve taken positivity to the level of insanity. Luckily, I don’t surf.
Look, I’m an optimist. Not only is my glass half full but I’m grateful even to have a glass at all! Still, I can be an optimist while recognizing not so great situations without pretending they don’t exist. When that woman said to me long ago “that sucks,” it was the most positive feedback I’d ever received about my health issues. It told me I wasn’t crazy for my feeling the same way about it! So, “don’t worry,” “suck it up,” or “stay positive” probably isn’t going to cut it. Listen and acknowledge, be supportive, and find a way to help where you can.
Interested in learning more? Check out the book Be Positive: Fuck Toxic Positivity on Amazon.
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